Journey of The Exile – Overlap

Posted: October 29, 2012 in Architecture and Culture, Life, School, Thought Provoking
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Day one of the overlap of my professors has begun, and to start things off, we had Daryl critique our work for our contextual buildings. Guess who he started with first. Yup, mine. Though I have to say I wasn’t overly self-conscious about the critique this time around because I think I had more confidence in my designs. The critique went fairly well, there were some things that he said that I agreed with and I liked that he thought of this project as a “in progress” project and not a finished product. He went on to say what we should consider in the next phases of the design if we were to continue with the project instead of moving on to the next one as we are doing now. After that we were given our next projects, which seems kind of like a blow off because it’s a PowerPoint presentation about one of Kahn’s buildings and how it relates back to classicism. Overall, class went well today, mainly because we didn’t really have to do anything for it, so we could still recover from our travels the previous week. After class we hit up the supermarket to get some snacks and stuff for the studio since we cleaned everything out before we left, so of course I bought all of the Oreos and a couple bottles of wine for myself. We finished the night off with dinner and an episode of The Newsroom, with one of my bottles of wine. I also managed to get a reply from Tori again, so I think there is promise in reconnecting, and hopefully patching things as best as possible.

Today I was able to go into the studio early and just be by myself for a while with the internet and have some calm time to read and work and relax. Once that was over though I had to have lunch with my professors because I was driving with them to our site today for our watercolor and drawing class. Cecelia tried to kick me out of the car because she wanted all of the girls in it, but I wasn’t having any of that shit today, especially not an hour before we had to leave. So we made it to the site, which was a house designed by Giancarlo De Carlo, and we had to primarily do sections of the building. Sections have never been my strong suit, but it was good practice, and most of them turned out well. Afterwards we hiked back to school since we apparently missed the bus, and then we all hit the studio to work on our summaries. While working I decided to have scotch again, though the last time I had it was in Siena when I lost my keys to the hotel room, so I cut it with some OJ to make it less intense and relaxed while working. That was until Tori was on Tumblr and I got a chance to have a real conversation with her. Got to say she really brightened up not only my day, but the past few months for me. I had really missed talking to her, and I had missed the closeness. I won’t lie or hide it here, I still have feelings for her, but I’m not going to push that unless she wants to and I have a fair idea that she doesn’t, but time will tell. But just the talking has really helped me feel better, and not because I was buzzed for part of the conversation like my studio thinks.

The day starts off with a bomb. History and Theory was tanked by my apparently incorrect analysis of the previous readings, which made it so I didn’t want to talk for the rest of class, which affects my grade. So that went spectacularly, but afterwards we all grabbed lunch and then started working on our presentations for Friday over our Kahn buildings. Well I just kind of messed around on the internet while working until Daryl finally showed up (2 hours late), to give us some direction and critique what we had done so far for our projects. He said I should really look into the structure, materials, and the Ten Canons for my building. After a while Tori came online so I started talking to her for the rest of my day, talking about my trips and tell her stories of the things I had done, the people I had met, the experiences I had, just everything. I kept on going on and on about it all, showing her pictures, and just talking about it all. She occasionally chimed in with her own comments or suggestions or stories about what I was talking about, but I had to ask most of the time for her to share things about what she was doing or thinking for the most part. We started talking about the different things we would do when I got back into town, and now that I’m thinking about it I’m starting to get a little concerned. Not in a bad way like I’m doing something awful, but because the last time I had plans similar to these was when I was engaged. I know they are fairly short term for the most part compared to what I had been used to planning, but it just seems like the things I’d want to plan with a significant other. It works as friends, but I think I’m already treading a thin line with my emotions as it is, but I just don’t want things to crop up in me and then ruin the friendship because she doesn’t want anything more. The plans make me excited for when I get back; make it so I’m not relying on eHarmony for some hope when I get back. I might be over thinking all of this, but food for my brain right now. I’ll keep on the friend side of things until I actually see her again because that’s what’s the most important, but if I get the chance, I’m taking it like I never did before.

So today was our day off, so I woke up early thinking I could do my laundry and maybe make it into town and get the hat I’ve been eyeing for a while and maybe sit in a café and sketch for a bit. Then I remembered we had an essay due the next day over Kahn’s writings, and a presentation to create and prepare for class tomorrow as well, so there went all hope of having a free day. So I spent most of the morning cleaning my room and taking a shower so I could avoid work for a while, but then I finally had to head into the studio and actually start my readings and essay. After a while I finished up my essay and kept working on my presentation until Tori got up and we started talking about Fallout Boy rumors not being true, her job, and then went into my goal of becoming the most interesting man in the world. That discussion also led to me asking if I could join her at church once, so I could understand religion and beliefs more not only for broadening my view, of figuring out what it’s all about. I was tired of limiting myself by my selective knowledge of things, so I made a big choice in my life with that goal. The following is what I actually said about the idea:

“Well I got kind of annoyed with my limited scope of knowledge that I had to engage people with. I had limited experiences, limited thoughts, and limited views. So I couldn’t engage with people the way that I really wanted to. I was tired of being quiet for a lot of a conversation, waiting until I found something of interest to say about something I didn’t know/care about. So I kept seeing the commercials for Dos Equis and thought, “huh, that guy, though fictional, has done so much, and can thus talk about so much.” After some thought on the matter, I asked my dad how I could become the most interesting man in the world, and he said to let him think on it. So I waited, until I spoke to my uncle, the scholar, and realized that he could talk to anyone about anything because of all the books he’s read, experiences he’s had, and opportunities he’s taken. So I decided that’s what I was going to do. I wasn’t going to limit myself to just architecture, videogames, and sex, but instead know everything. Culture myself to the point of impossibility.”

Also, just as a side note for this, I would like to add that the girls went out for Britta’s birthday, which is fine, it’s their choice even though we have a project due tomorrow. Whatever. What is not fine is them coming back at 3:30 in the morning being loud and waking me up, and yes this is because they woke me up. I don’t care if no one else woke up, the fact that they woke me up is all that matters and they are lucky that Matt made it outside before I did because they would have had it from me. End note. Back to trying to sleep.

I start with my realizations about my life up to this point, to the point of day 500 in my own life. I went through my growth as I reflected on what Brent said last night, commenting on fictional books title for architects, one being “10 Ways Your Ego Destroys Your Building.” Ego, big word for an architect, because we are sort of the all-knowing people of the world, similar to scholars, but on an even grander scale. I started to think about how my ego has changed over the years, from middle school, to high school, and now to college and my real life. I’ve seen the birth of my ego when I was president of the Gaming Guild in middle school, the way I had power, responsibility and the joy of leadership. Then I moved on to high school, losing all of my power and leadership, and having to start at the bottom of the ladder again. Slowly I moved up the ladder of the theatre community and thus my ego began to grow again, but this time, with the inclusion of women. I think that was part of the folly of my ego was the fact that I let getting attention from women go to my head so much. Once my ego was in full bloom in high school, I had to move on and go to college and pick a major, so of course I pick the major that goes with the largest ego. Now though, through all of my experiences, I have humbled myself; I have taken my experiences in life and seen what I gained from them. As an architect, I must be conceited and egotistical, but in life I must be humble. So now, I see I am Tom from 500 Days of Summer, taking part in the longest day in history. The 500th day of Summer is where I am in life, just before entering the front door to the firm I am applying to, just before the best part.

Today we took a trip with Daryl and Mirko to San Marino and San Leo. San Marino was pretty cool because it is technically its own country, so it has its own laws and stuff, but it is really just an Italian town. We explored some of the castles there and had just a grand time of it all while we were there. After that we headed to San Leo, another cool, yet small town where I got the chance to venture off some and do some much needed sketching for myself. Once we had our fill of San Leo we headed back to Urbino so we could all eat dinner and watch the Newsroom to relax. Afterwards, though,  things kind of went south with my mood because the internet has been broken here, meaning I couldn’t check my e-mails so I could stay up to date with my parents, eHarmony and school related things. Also meant that I couldn’t talk to Tori today, so I think that might have a bigger impact on me while I’m here than I’m giving it credit (and I’m already giving it a lot of credit). I don’t know, I always get mad at the smaller things, or Cecilia, rather than the larger things in life. I just don’t understand why I get so mad at all of the little inconveniences in life rather than the stuff that has more of an impact on me. I just worry about myself with everything that’s been going on with me evolving and becoming the man I want to be rather than the man I was forced to be. Will this change me too much that I can’t relate back to people anymore? Will I still be able to have a relationship that works? Will I still function in the world or will I be the guy that people introduce as a high-functioning sociopath? I’m worried that one of these days I won’t be in control of my anger and thoughts anymore and instead the Hulk within will take over and release all that I have pent up inside. I’m slowly working to get rid of all of the stuff that I have pent up in me, and I’m making decent progress on it. I am almost done resolving the main stuff that everyone knows about, I’m about to start my next attempt at quitting, and I’m getting back to reality and life again.

So I woke up today and realized that day light savings time had taken effect, so I actually got an extra hour of sleep. After a bit of procrastinating, I finally managed to go ahead and do my readings and finish up my summaries so I could have the rest of the day to work on my design work and see if I could find some working wifi here. This post will be finished before the day is actually done, because I want to see if I can still write poetry at all and to finish my design work.

Whatever the risk, still onward.

-The Exile

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