40 Days: Body and Mind – Day 30

Posted: August 26, 2012 in Life, Projects, Thought Provoking, Videogames
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I stayed up late last night because I got in from my jog late and stayed up playing Killing Floor. I had intended to get up at 9am, but that didn’t happen. I think I’m going to design an alarm clock rubix cube that you have to solve so that it turns off. Around noon, my mother woke me up and asked if I was going to go out and run my errands for the day.

I finally willed myself up and got ready for the day with a cup of coffee, researching some Dungeons and Dragons material for the December quest, and my meds. I got dressed and hit up the pharmacy so I could get enough meds for my stay in Italy. Well they gave me another three month supply, so I’m good for a long time. After that I hit up the bank to inform them that I will be out of the country and that I don’t want them doing anything weird to my accounts once I’m over there. Well they told me to contact them via email to inform them of this fact, which confused me because I thought that doing it in person would work better for this kind of thing.

That finished out my errands so I spent the rest of my day eating lunch, playing more Killing Floor, and getting all of my books ready for the trip that I will be reading for both pleasure and for class. Brandon called and asked if he could drop by and pick up the shirt he left in my car from Schlitterbahn. When he got here we talked about work and Dungeons and Dragons stuff and school. He gave me a few ideas for classes that I could be and what I could do with my characters. It was a good talk and we’ll probably hang out before I leave for Italy.

Also, I don’t like Facebook and the photos that pop up on my feed. No matter where I am in the dealing getting better phase, still sucks.

Post Script: I’m angry. I’m angry a lot now. I’m angry that I’m not happy and that I don’t think I can be happy. I’m angry that other people are happy. I’m angry that she’s happy. I’m angry that for the last eight months I was in a dead relationship on her side. I’m angry that I work so hard, and do so much to get through each day and yet it means nothing. I’m angry that nothing makes it better, nothing heals it. I’m angry about the fact that I’m twenty, but I feel like I’m thirty. I’m angry that I don’t have what I feel I deserve: happiness. I’m angry that I don’t even know myself anymore. I’m angry because I don’t know if what I’m doing is because of me, or her, or something else. I’m angry at everything and everyone now.

Whatever the risk, still onward.

-The Architect


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