40 Days: Body and Mind – Day 14

Posted: August 10, 2012 in Introduction, Life, Projects, Random, Thought Provoking, Uncategorized
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I took in the cleaning today, only about a week after my mother had told me to do it. After that I went around and took out all of the trash. This kind of “do stuff” mentality kept with me for most of the day.

It led to me cleaning out my closet and getting rid of stuff in my room. I started going through the stuff under my bed and throwing away old food wrappers and trash (note: I’m going to stop eating in my room, crumbs have gotten to be really annoying). After that I went through the storage bins under my bed, which had my old senior legacy which I didn’t care much about, but it did have my old travel scrapbook. The scrap book that I had made for Lexiyee one anniversary, it had all of the different kinds of places we were going to go and what all we were going to do. I flipped through it and read some of the entries there. It made me really sad, because I had not really wanted Lexiyee to come visit me in Italy, partly because I didn’t want to look stupid getting lost or not speaking the right language, but also because she had said that proposing abroad would be a great way to do it. I hadn’t gotten enough money together for the ring when she had talked to me about this so I didn’t really want to. Now I wish I had tried to help more.

I kept going through things and trying to straighten up some and organize my closet so I could actually use it once in a while. While doing this though I think I came to a conclusion about what I’m going to do and give myself some actual goals to strive for. I’m going to keep going with my forty days and see how much I evolve and keep up with my chronicling of it all. I’m going to keep working out, reading, and doing things with my friends. I’m going to keep up with my new style of things, dressing sharper and taking care of myself more (which is working so far from what I can see). The day I leave, I’m going to tell Lexiyee to bring my mother back all of the sewing stuff that she still has and to pick up her stuff that I have. She’ll have to, it’s not my stuff and it’s not hers, it’s my mother’s stuff. I hope she’ll look through the stuff and not just throw it all away, mainly the travel scrapbook. Then, once I get back from Italy, I’m going to ask her out on one last day, and say up front, that if she doesn’t want to she doesn’t have to, and even if she does go on it, that there are no strings attached to it. We don’t have to get back together or anything, I just want one last chance. She had said in December when we broke up briefly that we could still go out on dates and stuff, so I’m going to take her up on that. However, I know I’m not ready for it yet, I still need to grow. If it works out, then wonderful, but if it doesn’t, then I should be well enough to detach myself from it all. The only things I see going wrong between now and then are if she says no to it, or if she gets a boyfriend between now and then.

So, goals. I have some other ones now. Let’s see how I turn out. I have hope, even if it’s not with her, I will still love her and wish her the best in life. Hope for the future of my life.

Whatever the risk, still onward.

-The Architect


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